Don't move, there's something on your back

In the last week I have used nearly two cans of Raid on two cockroaches. Or "waterbugs". Makes no difference to me what you call them, they are the singularly most disgusting things ever to have creepy crawled. Wait, have I mentioned how much I hate them? I feel a little like the Briar Rabbit, but in reverse. Instead of acting like I like them, so no one understands my weaknesses, I have put it out there for everyone. I think, in the Darwin view of life, I would have been eaten long ago. Last night I felt a - I don't know - soft edge of the sheet, my own hair brush my arm? And began banging my hand all over everything like, get it off! get it off! At which point Bud jerked awake and said, "I think it's on me!" I leapt out of the bed catlike, while Bud urgently asked me to turn on the light. Which I did to find...nothing. No bug. I kept mumbling about cockroaches until I fell back asleep only to repeat the process a couple of hours later. This time Bud did not even flinch as I jumped out of bed, brushing the imaginary legs off of my arms. I can't deal. The south breeds bugs like a petri dish and all of those throat cultures I gagged on growing up.