Too open

I do, I think I am. And I've been told that a lot before in my life. Which is cool. All those phrases about keeping things close and being more guarded are smart. Not spilling all your thoughts and opinions and fears to the poor unsuspecting man who happened to ask you for the time. And I do, I try to be more aloof. I try to act mysterious and full of myself. But it gets tiring. And because I am open and emotional and not nearly as cool as I'd like to be I'm going ahead with the following story. Two nights ago while trying to get to sleep, I threw my arm over Bud's chest and it happened to land DIRECTLY above his heart. It sounds sweet but to me it was terrifying. I could feel each pound through my arm skin and each thud was a reminder that he is alive and fallible. Each beat made me want to capture the energy his heart was creating and stow it away. Keep it in my jewelry box until the day a doctor looks at us with that "I'm so sorry" face. Then run home and present him with each extra heartbeat I kept for so many years. I am so scared ever since I fell in love with him. And I find it impossible to take life for granted much anymore. I realize how that sounds but I feel sometimes like I'm walking around with blown glass in my pocket and any wrong twist and it will be gone. Mercifully, he soon rolled over and fell asleep.